What can I gain? - by James Archer
This sketch has been written to encourage people to think about church from the perspective of “What can I give?”, not “What can I gain?”. It was designed to be done as a series of sketches done without a break by the same two actors with minimal costume/prop changes just to set the context, and then repeated after a message but changed to the right hand version – the thinking being that the left hand version is a parable where the hearers are not told what the point of it is and have the opportunity to try to work it out for themselves. It could work equally well as a series with each sketch being done on a separate day of eg a holiday club, and extra scenes could be added, for instance someone joining a football team.
Editable and printable version
Parable version
Scene 1
A bookshop with the bookseller and a customer. Suggested props are a portable shelf of books.
Bookseller (As customer enters) Good morning, sir. Can I help you?
Customer No thanks, I’ll just browse. I do so love books, don’t you? (Seller moves away. Customer browses for ages, blocking out any contact with bookseller. Eventually the bookseller brings matters to a head.)
Bookseller Is there anything you are looking for, sir?
Customer No thanks, I don’t think I’ll take anything today (Exit).
Scene 2
A supermarket with two customers, a parent and child walking through the aisles. Suggested props are a shopping basket.
Parent Now, what do I feel like today? Chinese? No. Italian? Could do.
Child Boring! Can’t we have burger and chips?
Parent We had that yesterday. Look at this – New Improved Fusilli Carbonara – it’s on special offer, two for the price of one.
Child I want some chocolate biscuits for afters.
Scene 3
A doctor’s surgery, with a doctor and a patient. Suggested props are two chairs and a table and a stethoscope.
Patient (Entering) Good morning, doctor.
Doctor Good morning, Mr Smith. How are you today?
Patient Well, it’s my insides, doctor. I’m all aches and pains, and those pills you gave me aren’t making any difference. I’ve hardly got the energy to go out on the town.
Doctor Are you taking the pills regularly and staying off alcohol like I told you?
Patient Well, doctor, I do when I remember, but I’m so forgetful these days. Can’t you give me something that will sort me out?
Scene 4
A job interview, with an interviewer and interviewee. Suggested props are two chairs and a table, ties and a jacket for the interviewee.
Interviewer So, Smith, why do you want this job?
Interviewee I want to work for an organisation I believe in, sir.
Interviewer What particular things do you think you can bring to it, Smith?
Interviewee I’m whole-hearted and I love to work hard, sir. I’d turn my hand to anything you wanted, sir.
Interviewer Excellent, Smith, we need chaps like you. When can you start?
Scene 5
A coffee shop with two customers talking over their coffee. Suggested props are two chairs, a small table and some cups.
Customer 1 It’s hard work looking after my Mum now that she’s getting so unsteady on her feet, but after all that she’s done for me, it’s the least I owe her.
Customer 2 I know what you mean. My Mum could be a bit difficult at times, but it wasn’t easy for her to accept that she needed help when she’s always been so independent.
Customer 1 And then, just when I’m feeling unappreciated, she shoots me one of her smiles and it all seems worthwhile.
Customer 2 I hope my children will do the same for me when I’m older.
Interpreted version
Scene 1
A church with a vicar and a member of the congregation. Suggested props are a pew chair.
Vicar (As churchgoer enters) Good morning, Mr Smith. Can I help you?
Churchgoer No thanks, vicar. I’ll just take a seat at the back. I do so love being in church, don’t you? (Vicar moves away. Customer sits down and nods off during an imagined service, blocking out any contact with anyone else. Eventually the vicar brings matters to a head.)
Vicar Is there anything you are looking for, Mr Smith?
Churchgoer No thanks, vicar. I’m just off (Exit).
Scene 2
A church with two churchgoers, a parent and child walking through the aisles. Suggested props are some Palm crosses.
Parent Now, what do I feel like today? Prayer? No. Hymns? Could do.
Child Boring! Can’t we go straight to the Lighthouse? (Sunday school)
Parent We did that last week. Look at this – a new chorus from Graham Kendrick. We can repeat it until we know it.
Child I want some chocolate biscuits for afters.
Scene 3
A church with Jesus and a prayer. Suggested props are a kneeler.
Prayer (Getting down on knees) Good morning, Jesus
Jesus Good morning, Simon. How are you today?
Prayer Well, it’s the worry, Jesus. I’m all knotted up inside, and that advice you gave me isn’t making any difference. I’ve hardly got the energy to take care of myself.
Jesus Are you following my advice and thinking about others like I told you?
Prayer Well, Jesus, I do when I remember, but I’m so forgetful these days. Can’t you do something that will sort me out?
Scene 4
A conversation between Jesus and a church volunteer. Suggested props are two chairs.
Jesus So, Simon, why do you want to work for me?
Volunteer I want to work to reflect what I believe in, Lord.
Jesus What particular things do you think you can bring to the church, Simon?
Volunteer I’m whole-hearted and I love to work hard for your kingdom, Lord. I’d turn my hand to anything you wanted, Lord.
Jesus Excellent, Simon, we need people like you. There’s someone I want you to help.
Scene 5
A coffee shop with two customers talking over their coffee. Suggested props are two chairs, a small table and some cups.
Customer 1 It’s hard work looking after Ethel now that she’s getting so unsteady on her feet, but after all that she’s done for the church, it’s the least we owe her.
Customer 2 I know what you mean. Dorothy could be a bit difficult at times, but it wasn’t easy for her to accept that she needed help when she’s always been so independent.
Customer 1 And then, just when I’m feeling unappreciated, she shoots me one of her smiles and it all seems worthwhile.
Customer 2 I hope someone will do the same for me when I’m older.